What Do You Need?
I managed to sucker the woman into a Home Depot trip last night; I had a list, it wasn’t my fault. As we strolled through the tool section, I did my best not to linger and look at things I had no intention of buying, and she did her best not to roll her eyes and say, “Hun seriously.”
I was given the task of working on some siding and exterior trim today. I took every opportunity I had to find reasons to use my new tools. I geek-out around tools.
Speaking of tools, one of the many business trips I had in my career as a stock analyst was to the Stanley Tools Analyst Meeting in Manhattan. The company was rolling out the new Fat-Max line and wanted to present the fruits of their, well, actually, thousands-of-underpaid-people-who-never-receive-credit’s labor to the adoring Wall Street community.
As soon as I walked into the room, I was amped. There were literally hundreds of tools, all with brown-nosing senior-middle management hovering around, waiting for an opportunity to talk to “The Street.”
As the rest of my colleagues hob-nobbed with the officers of the company, I wandered through the tools like a kid in a candy store.
The Fat-Max line included a new hammer, one that the president of the hand tools division was particularly fond of. We were each shown several new features to the hammer, one of which is a magnetic grove on the end holds a nail so you don’t have to take a chance on hitting your fingers when you set it.
As each of the analysts eventually made it to his display, he made them take a shot at setting a nail with the new hammer. My lip was cut for weeks afterwards from trying to stifle my laughter, after all, these were the top names in my sector, any one of which could propel my career to the big time.
I’ve seen some people that were bad with a hammer, but words cannot explain the level of suck one attains from a silver-spoon upbringing and an Ivy League education.
After leaving to go cry from hysteria in the lobby a couple of times, I took my seat as it was time for the meeting to start. I kept my composure through the entire thing, even when the president of the hand tools division stood to make his speech, reminding the audience of their sad display of carpentry prowess.
We put in some nice work today. Trim work is tedious, but it looks so good when you get it right. Incredibly, I weighed in at 168 pounds this evening. I think I’m just extra dehydrated today or something, but between you and me, we’ll say I just worked off a lot of fat today.
I was given the task of working on some siding and exterior trim today. I took every opportunity I had to find reasons to use my new tools. I geek-out around tools.
Speaking of tools, one of the many business trips I had in my career as a stock analyst was to the Stanley Tools Analyst Meeting in Manhattan. The company was rolling out the new Fat-Max line and wanted to present the fruits of their, well, actually, thousands-of-underpaid-people-who-never-receive-credit’s labor to the adoring Wall Street community.
As soon as I walked into the room, I was amped. There were literally hundreds of tools, all with brown-nosing senior-middle management hovering around, waiting for an opportunity to talk to “The Street.”
As the rest of my colleagues hob-nobbed with the officers of the company, I wandered through the tools like a kid in a candy store.
The Fat-Max line included a new hammer, one that the president of the hand tools division was particularly fond of. We were each shown several new features to the hammer, one of which is a magnetic grove on the end holds a nail so you don’t have to take a chance on hitting your fingers when you set it.
As each of the analysts eventually made it to his display, he made them take a shot at setting a nail with the new hammer. My lip was cut for weeks afterwards from trying to stifle my laughter, after all, these were the top names in my sector, any one of which could propel my career to the big time.
I’ve seen some people that were bad with a hammer, but words cannot explain the level of suck one attains from a silver-spoon upbringing and an Ivy League education.
After leaving to go cry from hysteria in the lobby a couple of times, I took my seat as it was time for the meeting to start. I kept my composure through the entire thing, even when the president of the hand tools division stood to make his speech, reminding the audience of their sad display of carpentry prowess.
We put in some nice work today. Trim work is tedious, but it looks so good when you get it right. Incredibly, I weighed in at 168 pounds this evening. I think I’m just extra dehydrated today or something, but between you and me, we’ll say I just worked off a lot of fat today.
posted by fuqstik @ 6:09 PM
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